Mourning
by Hailey Russell
Summary: After Heroes


Mourning

Major Samantha Carter stepped away from the podium on rubbery legs.

As she went to stand beside Teal'c, General Hammond took her place. He gazed around at the full gate room and cleared his throat.

"Dr. Fraiser would be pleased to know that she has touched so many lives."

Sam looked down at her clasped hands.

Daniel hugged himself tightly and looked at the floor.

"Thank you all for attending this service. Thank you Major Carter for-"

Applause broke out.

Sam raised her head, fresh tears spilling from her eyes.

Teal'c placed a supporting hand on her back as Hammond raised a hand for silence.

"Yes, those were beautiful words," Hammond continued with a smile as Sam quickly swallowed her tears and nodded a thanks to Teal'c.

The Jaffa inclined his head but didn't remove his hand.

"Dr. Janet Fraiser will be greatly missed."

Hammond paused for a moment of reverential silence. "A reception has been set up in the commissary. Feel free to stay here, but if you'd like to leave, please do so quietly."

He stepped back, and for a long moment no one moved.

Slowly, a few people turned to the door, heads bowed.

More people followed until SG-1, Hammond and Cassandra were the only ones left.

Sam drew in a shaky breath as Hammond and Cassie approached.

"Well done, Major Carter," Teal'c said squeezing her shoulder.

"Thank you, Teal'c."

"Good job," Jack said patting her other shoulder.

Daniel gave her a weak smile and a thumb up.

Hammond took one of her hands in both of his and squeezed gently. "Thank you."

Sam nodded as Cassie rushed into her arms. She hugged her tightly and rested her chin on the top of Cassie's head, momentarily surprised that the girl had grown a few more inches.

Cassie pulled away from Sam and bit her bottom lip.

Jack tousled Cassie's hair. "Hey kiddo."

Cassie swallowed hard but it was no use.

Jack wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close as the tears came.

Daniel sighed heavily and turned to gaze at the wall through the gate.

Teal'c glanced at him with concern.

Hammond studied each member of his number one team.

"Why don't we get you something to eat?" he said gently prying Cassie away from Jack.

She nodded, swiped at her tears and allowed Hammond to lead her away.

"How's your painting coming? I heard you were entering a contest at school," he said draping an arm around her shoulders.

"I haven't worked on it in a few days," Cassie answered surprised that the older man knew about and was interested in her painting.

"That's understandable. I can't wait to see it. You're a very talented young woman."

In the silence that followed, Jack stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Sam wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the floor.

Daniel continued to stare blankly at the wall.

Teal'c looked at his friends. He was uncertain about what to do now. He had only been to one other memorial service on the Tau'ri world, and that time he had experienced doubt and confusion about his friend's death. He had been greatly relieved and pleased to learn that Daniel Jackson was indeed alive.

This time; however, the lifeless body of another friend left no room for doubt.

Jack sighed. "Well, shall we?"

Sam looked up at him and nodded.

"T? Daniel?"

"I must refrain from refreshment, O'Neill. However, I will accompany you."

"Ok." He looked expectantly at Daniel, but Daniel didn't seem to have heard him. He stepped around Teal'c to stand beside Daniel, glancing at the wall then Daniel.

It had been awhile, but he recognized that look even if Daniel was trying to hide it. Unbelievable. The man was blaming himself.

Jack made a mental note to keep an eye on Daniel and corner him if necessary to assure him there was nothing he could have done to prevent Janet's death.

He kicked himself for not doing so already. He had been unconscious so he couldn't do anything for a while. But he should have tried to find Daniel when he was up and about. Especially when Carter had informed him that that Bregman guy was looking for Daniel and couldn't find him anywhere.

"Why's he lookin' for him? Why doesn't he just leave him alone?" he had asked. "That's probably what Daniel wants."

"I'm not sure that's what he needs, sir," Sam had said. "He took this just as hard as the rest of us, and he was doing ok until he was forced to hand over the tape."

"Tape?" Jack asked

"I thought General Hammond briefed you," Sam said confused.

Jack sighed and lay back against the pillows. "He did. But to be honest, I didn't pay much attention to the details." He pinched his nose and scrunched his eyes in pain.

"Oh. Well, um Daniel had his camera on so Airman Wells could talk to his wife. Then, the Jaffa came, and he couldn't turn it off. It was sideways on the ground when-" Her voice started to break, and she paused to regain control. "When the staff blast hit her."

Jack sat up quickly. A little too quickly making the room spin. "So, Daniel was…"

"There, sir."

Jack dropped his head into his hands. "Oy."

"That's why Bregman's looking for him. He decided the footage was too horrible to use and wants to return the tape. Sir, I'm worried. Daniel's not in his lab. Teal'c hasn't seen him. I've been calling his house, but there's no answer."

"He wouldn't go home," Jack said lifting his head.

"Are you sure?"

"Come on. You know Daniel. What does he do when he wants to take his mind off of stuff?"

"Same thing I do. But I've been all over the base. He's not working anywhere. Nobody's seen him."

Jack thought for a minute. "Check the infirmary."

"I did. He's been visiting Airman Wells, but Wells said he hasn't seen him since this morning."

"The isolation rooms," Jack interrupted. "One in particular."

Sam thought about that. "Do you mean the one he…?"

"Yeah."

"You think he'd go there?"

"Just a hunch."

Sam had gone straight to the infirmary and asked a nurse if she had seen Daniel. The nurse pointed toward a room and hurried on to her patient.

Sam looked at the dark window and took a step toward the door. She hesitated. Maybe he did need to be alone. She had wanted to be alone too when everything was fresh. Things had certainly gotten a lot fresher for Daniel. She decided to come back in a few hours. If he was still here then, she wouldn't hesitate. She'd force herself in even if Daniel didn't want her to.

As she turned to leave the infirmary, Bregman slipped behind a curtain.

You should have gone to him right then, Jack berated himself. He cleared his throat. "Daniel?"

Daniel's expression closed even more as he answered without looking away from the wall. "I'll be there in a minute."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"You don't have to come. None of us really has to be there. We could-"

"I said I'll be there in a minute." Daniel's voice was soft but clearly conveyed that he didn't want to talk.

Jack nodded. Yep. He had definitely waited too long. The shadows Daniel was in now were deeper than those in that isolation room.

"Just leave me alone," Daniel said sitting on the top step of the ramp.

"Daniel?" Sam said unsteadily, but he didn't look up at her. She glanced at Jack and saw her own realization reflected in his dark eyes. She should have gone into that room without hesitation. When she went back a few hours later, Daniel had left. She found him surrounded by artifacts and deep in conversation with someone from SG-7. She slipped away unnoticed. She had been too late.

"I will remain," Teal'c informed Jack and Sam quietly but firmly. He too was chastising himself for not looking after his friend. Especially this friend who had seen so many horrors he should be numb by now.

But each new horror was just as fresh.

There was no excuse. He should have been there.

Daniel Jackson was always there for him. He had failed the young man yet again.

Jack nodded and turned to leave, hands still in his pockets and head down.

Sam shared a glance with Teal'c and cast an unseen apologetic look at Daniel before leaving.

Teal'c lowered himself to the step beside Daniel, and they sat in silence for a long time.

"You could have done nothing." Even though he spoke softly, Teal'c's voice echoed in the empty room. "Do not blame yourself."

"I could have been paying more attention. I could have-"

"No, you could not." Teal'c moved to be face-to-face with Daniel. "You were tending to Airman Wells. Had you not kept your attention on him, Daniel Jackson he could have perished as well."

"I didn't do anything for him. Janet-"

"Not the way he tells it," Jack said as he and Sam approached and sat on either side of Daniel. "He said a staff blast was headed for him, but you pulled him out of the way."

"Yeah, and at the same time a blast hit Janet," Daniel said bitterly.

"Daniel," Jack said putting a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Nobody could have saved both of them. Nobody."

"Look at it this way," Sam said trying to sound bright. "Wells' baby won't be without his father because of you."

Daniel laughed mirthlessly. "What about Cassie? She's already lost her family once."

Sam bit her lip, wishing she could take back what she'd said.

"You know, they were supposed to go camping in a few weeks," Daniel continued. "Janet was so excited. She bought new clothes and all kinds of things for Cassie. Now they can't do that." He bowed his head.

"But it's not your fault, Daniel," Sam said pleadingly.

"Daniel," Jack said and waited until Daniel looked at him. "Wells said you made him understand that what happened wasn't his fault. That he had been doing his job and so had she."

"It's true," Daniel said a little defensively.

"Right," Jack said. "It's true of Wells. It's true of Janet. And," he jabbed a finger at Daniel's chest. "It's true of you."

A. N. Sorry the ending is so abrupt. I just didn't know where to go.


End file.
